English – “It really is that simple.” It really is.

Mr Douglas – The situation nicely summed up in verse. Thank you. Your poem also captures the public’s general bewilderment and inability to stand up for the principles they were brought up to hold sacred.

THE FAG
Proposed laws change the minimum legal age for smoking etc

So worrying
bringing up a young ’un nowadays
You never know what temptations
might be put ’is way

We was so happy when our lad
took up with this ever-so-nice older fella
A rôle model’s what ’e called it
so polite, friendly, only thing, ’e’s a smoker; still …..

He really took an interest in our boy
took him to nice places, pubs, shows
bought ’im little gifts, clothes
almost showered ’im with love

Of course, we was wonderin’, just a bit
but decided whatever might
or might not be “going on”
them new laws makes it none of ’is parents’ business

But then – see, we’re not smokers ourselves
we didn’t realise. The police came
and took ’is friend away -
locked him up for the night

We didn’t know what to think
but the ’ole truth came out in court
after, ahem, you know, whatever they does -
they ’ad a cigarette – I mean one each

Well, that’s against them new laws,
’cause ’e’s too young to smoke
Our lad’s so-called friend was put away,
and a good thing too !

I hope that wicked bugger rots in ’ell
Fancy introducin’ an innocent young lad to fags !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

I think that smoking is harmful, that it does cause numerous diseases, but I also think going to prison for 6 months for letting someone have a fag in what is effectively your house is likely to reduce your lifespan, possibly drastically.