Bad Eggs in Top Jobs: Is It Inevitable?

Low-grade criminals might carry a sawn-off shotgun or excel at breaking and entering houses to pinch a few pieces of bling or cheap electronics to sell down the pub, but a life of crime with vastly better pay and conditions seems to be just waiting for those intent on wheedling their way to a top job.

It pays better and saves them getting caught with drugs or weapons or risk having to fence goods or climb up ladders into ladies’ bedrooms to steal their jewels without leaving so much as a box of Milk Tray.

The FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, is big news (again). He has had to deal with widespread corruption. He seems to consider himself to be the president of the world,

“Blatter has created himself his own world. He wants to appear like a king, like an emperor, like the Pope. He sees himself on the level of these people. He can be terribly ruthless. I’ve heard people say he would sell his own grandmother. When it serves him – and when his power is at stake – he will do almost anything to defend it.

The 79 year-old has been president since 1998 and is seeking a fifth term in today’s election where he faces Jordanian Prince Ali bin al-Hussein.

Blatter later vowed to restore trust in Fifa and “find a way to fix things”. 

After nearly twenty years in the job, that might be a good idea. It reminds me of the EU failing to keep their accounts in order for about the same length of time.

They are all “kings” and “princes” now. Accountability? Meh.

But Mr Blatter denies responsibility. It’s the others, you see…

Swiss prosecutors plan to interview 10 Fifa executive committee members as part of a separate investigation into the bidding process for the World Cup tournaments in 2018 in Russia and 2022 in Qatar.

Like the EU, it’s not someone’s lunch money which goes missing or the pilfering of biros from the stationery cupboards, but seven FIFA officials, including the Vice-president, have been charged with receiving over $150 million in bribes,

In total, 14 defendants were charged by the US Department of Justice with racketeering, wire fraud and money laundering conspiracies in a 24-year scheme.

How it is done

“Blatter has an incredible talent in judging other people, in seeing their weaknesses, detecting them and making use of these weaknesses at the right moment. He’s able to charm people and he also studies the circumstances around people – how they react in certain situations.

“And then he sets up his plan, using these people. Once he decides to move, he has everyone in place and he can play his cards accordingly. And people react the way he expects them to react.

It’s like a standard blueprint for those intent on power. If we compare it with UK politics we can see why that is also so corrupt and unaccountable.

Apparently, David Cameron is embarking on a “charm offensive” with European leaders.

France has accused David Cameron of trying to “dismantle” the European Union and suggested it will block his plans to claw back powers from Brussels.

Laurent Fabius, the French foreign minister, said that the referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU is “very risky” and “quite dangerous”.

He said that Britain had “joined a football club” and cannot decide “in the middle of the match that they want to play rugby”.

Bravo to M. Fabius for the football metaphor to aid the transition of themes here.

I think the French are in on Mr Cameron’s “EU Referendum” joke and that the European Establishment has no need to fear. Cameron is a Machiavellian who, like Herr Blatter, collects people whose weaknesses he can exploit.

Why was Cameron a chosen one? As the Grauniad explains,

Cameron learned about the value of spin during a previous career as director of corporate affairs for television company Carlton, now part of ITV, his only professional excursion beyond the cosseted world of Westminster.

And Eton was just the place to both work his way up the greasy pole and as the years passed, to rise to fag-master and have roles reversed as an army of slaves was available to practise on.

Eton

‘Head boys: How we imagine Boris Johnson, Bill Coles and David Cameron would have joined forces at Eton.’

I can imagine them inventing their own ‘EC’ (Eton College) regulations to convince their fags to engage in the most ridiculous, unfair and embarrassing behaviour which turn their subjects into little more than dehumanised serfs. Just like they do to the rest of us when they reach high office.

One abiding memory [of Eton] was the ‘ boy-calls’, where one of the senior boys would bellow ‘BoooyUpppp’. Every fag would drop what they were doing and race up the stairs to the Library – the last one got ‘fagged off’ to wherever the Librarian thought fit to send him.

Almost any behaviour was permitted as the fags swarmed up the stairs. Tripping, shoving and elbowing were all viewed as acceptable – even laudable – methods of trying to waylay your panting compadres. This was perfect preparation for future MPs as they try to claw their way up the greasy pole of state.

Having been voted back into Number 10 by his fags, Cameron can get back to his dirty tricks about our EU membership and his fabled “Referendum”.

Can the French really be fooled? Non, monsieur! Is Frau Merkel losing her beauty sleep over Cameron’s games? Nein! It’s just Jeux Sans Frontières, but the leaders’ heads are plenty big enough without the need for papier-mâché ones to be made.

Even if the Referendum does go ahead, Cameron and his fellow fag-masters will make sure that the insufficiently-educated fags with a vote are taunted, traumatised and terrified into wanting to stay in.

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